Monotony - PoetsQuill Message Board

Poetichick
New Member

Total Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2004 7:21 pm

Another year, coming to an end,
But yet so much more the new year bring.
In my hands I hold memories of the past,
And keys to the future,
Looking out on what today only brings,
Infinite monotony.

I am a minor
Looking out onto an adult only world,
Fearing only that world that I am about to step out into.
I don't want to look back on where I've been,
And what I've done,
Regretting all that I've done,
And never did.

So close to getting the respect I deserve,
The freedom I crave,
To be the free bird
I've always wanted to be,
But yet I know,
I will be cursed,
By that never ending monotony.

I've been living in a vicious cycle,
In which my past comes back to haunt me.
Repetitive mannerisms,
How things come and go.
Living one rerun after another.

So let us now raise our glasses high,
Give out a cheer,
And rewind that video tape
To be played once again.

I let no one see me cry, but the product of those tears are those poems that I share here.

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 2:45 am

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Ben Grader

Junior Member

Total Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:24 am

I like this but would suggest that the 2nd line is modified to
'But yet so much more the new year brings.'
A deep read which needs a lot of thought.
I shall have to come back again, I am running short of time.
Afternoon and time to go again.
Might I also suggest that the final verse does not quite balance?

So let us now raise our glasses high,
Give out a cheer,
And rewind that video tape
To be played once again.

Could I suggest
So let us now raise glasses high;
give out a cheer
rewind that video tape
and play it once again.

I think that the 2nd version reads and also sounds more rhythmic

I was told many years ago that the best way of checking work was to read it aloud. Any stumbling blocks would then show up.

Born and bred a country yokel

Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2004 11:28 am

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Lerins

Junior Member

Total Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Aug 14, 2004 8:39 am

I really like the theme of it, but some of the phrasing seems a little awkward. In the first line of the second verse, I think using 'child' in place of 'minor' feels better (to me).

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:49 pm

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Bluesy Socrateaser

Veteran Member

Total Posts: 225
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:14 am

QuoteSo let us now raise our glasses high,
Give out a cheer,
And rewind that video tape
To be played once again.

Please God, not that monotonous Yellowstone vacation video again!

(you got enough crits, you don't need anymore)

...

...Just being Bluesy

Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:58 am

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