Poet's Blues - PoetsQuill Message Board

Poetichick
New Member

Total Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2004 7:21 pm

My world's getting colder,
As it slowly comes to an end.
All my pain and my sorrow,
Is drain'n me dead.
So I sing my song,
And leave it all behind.
My `a travl'n words,
Suspended in time.

Despair through the sorrow,
Lead'n me to the end.
Watch'n the shadows
Pass before my eyes.
The melody that haunts me,
Stabs me through the heart.
My senses are fade'n
As I slowly go blind.

The light's get'n closer,
It's the only thing that I see.
I struggle to flee it,
As it only get near.
I'm to young to be held captive
A victim of my own demise.

Time for my faith
To be put to the test.
Please Lord stay near me,
And lead me home once again.

I let no one see me cry, but the product of those tears are those poems that I share here.

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 6:34 am

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Ben Grader

Junior Member

Total Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:24 am

I am surprised at the numbers of people who have viewed this and the fact that not one has commented.
My criticsm starts with the 3rd verse.
the line: - As it only get near.
Surely this should be: - As it only gets near.
or maybe: - but still it gets near.

and I think the last verse has a weakness in the last line: -

And lead me home once again.

This reads better and says better if the And is left out.

Having said (or to those who wish to be precise written) that I must say that I am impressed by the strentgh of this work.
You have punched out and put into words what some folks think but are unable to express.

Born and bred a country yokel

Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2004 5:46 pm

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rainrose

New Member

Total Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2004 6:13 pm

I like the voice that comes out of this poem. I wasn't expecting the contracted use of "ing" (drain'n, travl'n, etc) (made me wonder if this is a song), but as I got into the rhythm of it, its kind of cool.

"...travl'n words,
suspended in time"
awesome.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.

Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2004 4:12 am

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Lerins

Junior Member

Total Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Aug 14, 2004 8:39 am

Quote

I wasn't expecting the contracted use of "ing" (drain'n, travl'n, etc) (made me wonder if this is a song), but as I got into the rhythm of it, its kind of cool.

"...travl'n words,
suspended in time"
awesome.

I agree, the contacted "ing" words seem to flow very nicely and don't seem as 'sharp.'

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:51 pm

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Bluesy Socrateaser

Veteran Member

Total Posts: 225
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:14 am

I also heard a song happening in the flow.
Why?
Here's why:

QuoteSo I sing my song,And leave it all behind.

You said it, and just the way I like it!

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:16 am

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