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Battle Scars

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rainrose

New Member


Total Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2004 6:13 pm
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Battle Scars
10.18.04

The scratches on my arm suggest
that I tangled with tigers,
attended my archenemies,
scattered my seven foes
(or other daring feats)
and not the reality of life.

I worked harder than most
conditioned to win approval
(prestige and character only second),
battling demon wires stretched to form
decorations for ungratefulness.

Planning, pardoning, partaking,
I salvaged life's meaning in the rain,
growing content with peace
and raging against the wire.

It was not lost on me,
the irony of life: begging for handouts
in a "war" of Me vs. Them.

And still I shadowed,
haunting headaches,

finished.


What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2004 4:19 am Report this post to a moderator
Ben Grader

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Total Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:24 am
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Planning, pardoning, partaking,
I like this, it rolls off the tongue beautifully.
Maybe a ; after - I salvaged life's meaning in the rain;
but will
growing content with peace
and raging against the wire.
stand by itself?
I think maybe arch-enemies would easier on the eyes if it were hyphenated?.
I like it; you have succeeded in expressing the fact that it is always Me v Them, in life.

Born and bred a country yokel
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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2004 10:49 am Report this post to a moderator
Nocturne

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Total Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2004 9:30 am
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I especially like the first stanza. This is a great piece. I like it the way it is, but perhaps maybe a dash after "I salvaged life's meaning in the rain". It just seems that a more dramatic pause there would work very well:
"Planning, pardoning, partaking,
I salvaged life's meaning in the rain-
growing content with peace
and raging against the wire."
Just a suggestion though. :)
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Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 8:08 pm Report this post to a moderator
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